


Munchies

by Raisans_Grapeon



Series: Trading in Nuts for Walnuts [2]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Asexual Character, Asexual Shane Madej, Drugs, Fluff, Incubus Shane Madej, Stoned, Succubi & Incubi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 21:19:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18018638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raisans_Grapeon/pseuds/Raisans_Grapeon
Summary: “What did you do while I was at work?” He enunciated each word pointedly.The incubus took a hot second before the words clicked into place. “Went out. ‘Nd like… did… things.” It sniffed the air, shuffling across the room like a zombie. “You brought food…?” it asked, a sloppy smile finding home on its face.Ryan could only nod, following Shane to sit down on at the island on one of the bar stools.  “What are things, Shane?” Wordlessly, the creature began forcing the food Ryan bought into its mouth, not even bothering to remove the packaging on most of them. The human had to hold back a groan of frustration. “Shane!”The incubus stopped, swallowing whatever it had in its mouth at the time. It stared for a few seconds, the wheels in its mind turning furiously. Finally, it spoke. “You know… Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake. And you bake lasagna.”





	Munchies

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and Welcome to another fic of mine!
> 
> Just the usual, I am not the best at this and while I do have Grammarly mothering me, it doesn't help with everything, so all critique is greatly appreciated!
> 
> Also, little warning. Uh weed. Yeah. There's weed.
> 
> Enjoy.

It was the afternoon time in Los Angeles. The sky was a vibrant, scorching blue, and the sun heated the asphalt roads and subsequently the entire city. It was a blistering 102 degrees outside, and the higher stories of many of the buildings struggled to keep a comfortable temperature all day. Cars roared past the pedestrians on the sidewalks, occasionally honking in the hopes of getting the evening traffic to go an inch faster. Many people were making their ways home from work, including Ryan, who had a heavy plastic back hanging from his wrist. The bag was filled to the brim with assorted foods. Ryan had no plan to eat any of the goods he had just bought, some of them being foods he’d much rather avoid with a thousand-yard stare. No, the food was for a rather pesky vermin that had made base in the human’s home. It had been there for an approximate of 2 months, and Ryan did his best to appease the creature with food. If he didn’t, it would simply eat everything Ryan wanted to eat, then disappear into the night to eat food from the refrigerators of other poor souls in the city. Well, it did that anyway but Ryan would like to think that he quelled the thing’s hunger. Even if only meant it left a loaf of bread in its wake. 

As the human approached his apartment door, desperate to get into an air-conditioned room, he bit his lip in anticipation. By that hour, the pest would be awake and lounging in some unusual place in a visibly disturbing position. The thing was scarily flexible. Ryan unlocked his door and let it drift slowly open. Initially, he could see nothing in the main area, which consisted of a conjoined living room and kitchen. For one foolish second, Ryan believed that the creature might’ve left, yet that hope was successfully dashed when he caught sight of a thin, smooth, dark violet tail draped over the back of his couch. Setting the groceries down on the island in the kitchen, Ryan strode over to his couch to peer over the edge and glare at the creature.

A pale, thin, masculine figure with stubby, violet horns was sprawled out on the cushions. Its inhumanly long limbs were haphazardly strewn about on the dark navy fabric without care. The thing was still adorned in its tight, black, spandex shorts, providing very little censorship of its nether regions. It was painfully still, eyes uncharacteristically wide and unseeing as it stared at the ceiling. Normally, it was eager to jump Ryan and snatch whatever snacks he brought along, yet there it lay, almost oblivious to its surroundings.

After a few studious seconds, Ryan addressed the creature. “Hey. Hey! Incubus! What the hell is up with you today?” When the incubus didn’t respond, he resorted to more drastic measures. “Shane!”

At that call, the incubus focused on Ryan’s face, blinking a few times. “... Rrrryaaaan…,” it stated dully, the word slow and slightly confused.

“Yes, that’s my name. What are you doing? What happened while I was gone?” Ryan backed up as Shane heaved its chest up, tail sliding lamely about as if it was dead. It started to stand when Ryan figured that it didn’t hear him or something, and tried again. “What did you do while I was at work?” He enunciated each word pointedly.

The incubus took a hot second before the words clicked into place. “Went out. ‘Nd like… did… things.” It sniffed the air, shuffling across the room like a zombie. “You brought food…?” it asked, a sloppy smile finding home on its face.

Ryan could only nod, following Shane to sit down on at the island on one of the bar stools. “What are things, Shane?” Wordlessly, the creature began forcing the food Ryan bought into its mouth, not even bothering to remove the packaging on most of them. The human had to hold back a groan of frustration. “Shane!”

The incubus stopped, swallowing whatever it had in its mouth at the time. It stared for a few seconds, the wheels in its mind turning furiously. Finally, it spoke. “You know… Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake. And you bake lasagna.” It was obvious that Shane had just made that realization as shock and wonder dawned on its face.

Ryan, however, was left dazed. “What?”

Shane sat and abandoned its food temporarily, mind clearly on a freight train to crazy town. “Like… you’re baking a spaghetti cake… how… why?”

“Shane,” Ryan started carefully. “You need to focus. What. Did. You. Do?”

Its haze was broken, and the creature seemed to come to a little bit. “Oh. I went out.”

Ryan gritted his teeth. “You told me that already. What did you do while you were out!?” He didn’t mean to raise his voice, but Shane wasn’t bothered with it.

“I got food,” it said bluntly.

“Okay.” The shorter human was grateful for some progress. “What did you eat, and where did you eat it?”

Shane hummed. “It was… a human place. He had these brownies… just hangin’. Some good ass brownies… brownies. ‘Cuz they’re brown.” It giggled lightly at the thought before it focused on finishing the food Ryan had brought.

The realization made Ryan sigh deeply, pressing his forehead into the counter before him. “Goddamnit, you’re high right now,” he muttered more to himself than to Shane. “Just what I need. A high incubus with an eating addiction.”

“Shhhhh… no lying I know you reaaaaaaally love me.” The sex demon tried to lean over onto Ryan, but miscalculated, and crashed to the floor with a thud.

Ryan leaned back, staring at Shane with a sharp glare. “Okay, I’m not dealing with this. Get on the fucking couch, demon.” His voice was stern and low.

The tone didn’t phase the incubus, causing it to only roll onto its back. “So like… what’s in it for me?”

“Living.”

The creature thought for a second, then laughed. “Fair enough. Okay, little man!” Shane hauled himself up, only to fall over the side of the couch. 

“Never call me little man. My name is Ryan!” He was in no mood to handle a high Shane, but he had no choice. The thing wouldn’t be moving for a while.

Instead of relaxing, Ryan consigned himself to babysitting duty until Shane finally left for his nightly raids. Which mean he had to listen to various, nonsensical ramblings as random ideas rode through the incubus’ head at regular intervals. Ryan opted to dignify none of the thoughts with a response.

“Do you think animals from different countries speak different animal languages?”

“History classes will only get longer as time goes on. Not complaining… like… history is awesome.”

“Why can’t I find the flowers in bread? Bread is literally… like… made of the stuff.”

“Water… Water is wack, man.”

“We drink drinks but… why don’t we food foods? What’s so special about drinks?”

“I could consume the entire planet… right now.”

“Water is like… the life force of… life.”

If Ryan was being honest, he would admit that watching Shane struggle to make its brain work properly was a blast. It would stop in mid-sentence and just stare at the ceiling at times, before picking his train of thought right back up again as if he never missed a beat. Ryan spent the time on his computer, going over videos for work and texting his friends. Occasionally Jen or Steven or someone from work would beg Ryan to send pictures of Shane. For the months Shane had been living in Ryan’s apartment, he had avoided leaking too much information about the incubus to anyone at work other than the basics. He sure as hell didn’t show them pictures of the topless demon, still recognizing the body as human, and somewhat sacred. That day, however, was the day Ryan caved, and he snapped a photo. His camera captured the redness in its eyes, and the blur of his arm as he was in mid-gesture. All the time, Shane was unaware that Ryan was even doing other things other than listening to it. He sent the photo out to everyone who had asked, the group consisting of Jen, Maizy, Daysha, TJ, Devon, Steven, Andrew, Keith, Eugene, and Zack. A small inconvenience that arose from releasing photos was that now they all expected more, commenting about how cool or cute the incubus look and how neat it was that Ryan got a tame one in his house. 

Ryan could only smile with amusement. He knew that everyone would start fawning over Shane the moment they caught wind of his face, despite the stoned look he had. But now that the photos were out, it meant that more was expected. Ryan shocked himself with the ease at which he would take the photos at that point. He figured it was because he had taken one, so 4 more wasn’t a big deal anymore. All the while, Shane was oblivious of what Ryan was doing.

Hours passed, and Shane seemed to come back down to Earth as Ryan was about to pass out on his chair. It was almost 10 at night, and the creature had been keeping its host awake with his incoherent babblings. When it stood, Ryan jolted his brain back to attention, eyeing the half-stoned incubus. “Where are you going?” he asked with a yawn in his throat.

The thing shrugged. “Out. I’m hungry.” It shuffled down the hall towards Ryan’s bedroom so it could climb out his window. It was Shane’s preferred exit.

“You’re always hungry,” Ryan refuted with a groan, standing as well to move his tired body to his bed. “Be merciful.”

Ryan didn’t hear a response. Guessing that the incubus had already left the scene, Ryan entered his room just in time to see a slim, violet tail slip out of the window and into the musky summer air. With a sigh, the tired man closed the window but didn’t lock it. Not bothering with his clothes, Ryan fell to his bed, letting sleep tug his eyelids shut and whisk his mind away into a dreamless dark.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading till the end! I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
